


Brothers through it all

by Jeaven



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Sam, Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, POV Dean Winchester, Trials of Hell, don't read it it will break your heart, srsly, the BM Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7058236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeaven/pseuds/Jeaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean tells Sam he has to die in order to complete the trials, his little brother is fairly ready to do just that and Dean has to try and fix what went wrong along the way, to save Sam from himself. / The scene at the end in the church between the two brothers from Dean's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers through it all

**Brothers through it all (Coda to 8x22: "Sacrifice")**

 

Terror surged through his veins. He couldn't move fast enough, didn't even bother with the door knob when he crashed into the church.

"Sam!" He yelled, before he even realized how damn close this was. "Stop!"

And Sam, thank god, froze immediately.

"There's a slight change of plans," he explained as calmly as he could at that moment, with Sam standing in front of Crowley, hand cut open and bleeding. So damn close. "If you do this, you're dead, Sam."

Sam blinked. And then. "So?" And it shattered Deans heart to pieces. He couldn't even find words as he stared at his little brother and, for the first time, saw how damaged Sam really was. How beyond his very imagination his brother had fallen.

"Look at him!" Sam pointed a shaking finger at the demon. "Look at how _close_ we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this!"

"Think about it. Think about what we know, huh?" Slowly, he walked two steps forward, as he tried to calm Sam down. "Pulling souls from hell, curing a demon, hell, ganking a hellhound!"

Sam still had that determined look on his face, the one that told Dean that his little brother was sure about this, and he felt tears sting in his eyes. He tried to steady himself, his voice, without success. "We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here."

Sam's breath was shaking violently, just like the rest of his body, and Dean wanted so desperately to reach out and pull him into a hug, do _anything_ , but he couldn't. Sam watched every move he made, his arm still next to Crowleys face, so dangerously close. And screw the no chick flick moments rule, this was about Sammy. "But I can't do it without you."

Sam laughed, briefly. Desperately. "You can barely do it with me. I mean you think I screw up everything I try, you think I need a chaperon, remember?"

And Dean had to close his eyes again. Because this could not be happening. Sam couldn't stand there, on the verge of fucking suicide, without that Dean ever noticed he was feeling that way. This wasn't it, he told himself. It wasn't. It wouldn't be. Not as long as he was there. "Come on that's not what I meant."

"No, it's exactly what you meant," Sam answered, and Dean found himself lost for words. Because it was true. In that moment, he'd meant it. A tiny, hurt and still betrayed part of him had meant every word. But that didn't mean he wanted any of this.

"You wanna know what I confessed in there?" Sam pointed at the confessional. "What my greatest sin was?" He sounded so bitter, so broken, also if he could fall apart at any second, it pierced a hole in Deans heart to see him like this.

Sam smiled, that smile again. "It was how many times I've let you down."

Dean closed his eyes again. Had to shut himself out of this, trying to get his mind to work again. Without success.

"I can't do that again."

"Sam," he whispered, trying to get Sam to stop already, to cut off those words that tore him apart inside. But his little brother wasn't letting him finish.

"What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted, again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time, instead of me? Another angel?" Sam hesitated, for the split of a second, then continued, the past months reflecting in tears, bitterness and hurt. "Another... another vampire?" And yeah, that hurt, because Benny wasn't like Sam saw him. But he pushed that back. This wasn't about Benny, or even himself.

_Save Sammy._

"Now, hold on, hold on!" He shouted, and Sam flinched. He couldn't bear the distance between them anymore, and carefully took another step towards Sam. "Do you seriously think that? Because none of it, _none of it_ is true!"

He knew his little brother by heart. Even after all the fightings, he could see it clearly in Sam's eyes. The kid still wasn't believing in what Dean said. But damn it, he _needed_ to.

"Listen, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? I know I've said some stuff that set you back on your heels, but Sammy..." He stopped for a second, searched Sammy's teary eyes for something that told him that his little brother was hanging on. He found nothing. "It has never been like that, ever. I killed Benny, to save you!" And that did hurt. "I'm willing to let this bastard and all sons of bitches that killed mom walk," which was a pain in the ass, "because of you!"

And he'd do all of it, and more, again, if it just meant keeping Sam from harm. "Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you! It's never been like that, ever! I need you to see that."

He didn't even know what he would do if Sammy couldn't see that anymore. Couldn't see how much Dean cared for, and depended on him. He didn't know what he would do if Sammy was that far gone.

_Please, Sammy. Believe me. I'll do anything._

"I'm beggin' you."

_Please_.

Sam stared at him, closed his eyes and then looked at his bleeding hand.

His voice was still shaking. "How do I stop?"

Relief flooded his body. No matter what the trials did to Sammy, he was willing to believe him, and that was everything he needed right now. He would figure everything else out. And Sammy would be safe. Nothing else mattered.

"Hey." He carefully wrapped a tissue around the wound on his hand. "We'll figure it out, okay? Just like we always do."

And damn him if he would let it get this bad again. He would figure this all out. He would protect Sammy.

"C'mere," he murmured and pulled Sam into a hug, in which his little brother practically fell. He let out a pained grunt, and his body had become thin and fragile from the effect of the trials, but Dean didn't care. Sammy was alive, in his arms, and that was the best feeling in the world. He felt Sam's hands move from his back. "Dean."

He couldn't suppress the tiny laugh that escaped him when Sam was an arms length away from him and he saw the glow retreating.

Everything would be alright. They would manage this. Suddenly, Sam let out something close to a cry of pain, and crumbled.

Panic surged through Dean once again. He wasn't losing Sam now. He couldn't.

"Sammy what is it?" He yelled, desperately trying to reach his brother, but all he got back was "Hurts."

Sam was kneeling on the floor now, gasping and shaking from pain, and no, not again, not on his watch. Dean didn't think. He never could in those situations. He simply did what his instinct told him.

_Take care of Sammy._


End file.
